Saturday 31 May 2008


Here at Swift HQ we are becoming increasingly concerned about the support being given to the Wilson candidature.

Anyone with eyes can see why votes could be cast for Wilson. He's a veritable hottie. And, we have to admit, he knows his stuff.

But let's think about the long-term implications of a Wilson victory. It is literally impossible to concentrate when he is on TV.

Now admittedly, some gardeners are male, and a percentage of these will be immune to the "Wilson Effect".

What about the fairer sex though? I foresee summers of untied-in sweet peas, un-pricked-out seedlings, and borders going entirely unmulched as the female nation swoons over Wilson, failing to heed any of his helpful garden advice.

Dear readers, let me urge you:

A Vote for Wilson is A Vote for Not Concentrating.
A Vote for Wilson is A Vote For Horticultural Disaster.
Vote Swift!

Friday 30 May 2008


Stalwart Swiftians won't fail to have noticed Joe's shift to summer headgear on Gardener's World this week - perhaps inspired by the Indiana Jones Fedora he sported at Chelsea.

We would like to throw down a challenge. If any of the other contenders for the Gardener's World Election honestly think they would look better than Joe in a Panama Hat, let them try their luck! We'll be waiting!

Except for maybe that Matthew Wilson. He would probably look better. Maybe not him.


8pm, and we were huddled around the TV as usual, asking ourselves "How would Carol break the news?" and "Will Joe have kept any of his Indiana Jones outfit from Chelsea?"

But as Carol handed over to Joe at the allotment, I briefly switched off the sound to answer a phonecall. When I came back, JS was saying "So I just have to dispose of it with the household waste," whilst tipping something into a mysterious black binbag.

Let's hope that whatever is in the bag, Gardener's World is "in the bag" for Joe Swift!


Welcome to Swift Party HQ, where tonight we are working hard to see the UK elect Joe Swift as Gardeners’ World’s next head honcho.

Our great leader may occasionally do some strange things: building bizarre windowboxes, following odd cultivation practices.

But we believe in three essential principles:

• No Rotovation without Representation

• Slightly Getting the Piss Taken Out of Us by James Alexander-Sinclair

• Triangular Flowerbeds For All

Thanks for listening. We look forward to gaining your vote on polling day.