Friday, 10 October 2008


As some of you may know, I don't have a cat of my own. But here, pleasant readers, is my tribute to my very special relationship with the cat who lives just next door to me:

My neighbour’s freaky cat
My neighbour’s freaky cat
He looks about a hundred years old
His coat is warm but his gaze is cold
My neighbour’s evil cat

My neighbour’s evil cat
My neighbour’s evil cat
His miaow sounds like an old man's spit
He can actually sh*t inside my bag of grit
My neighbour’s devious cat

My neighbour’s devious cat
My neighbour’s devious cat
He looks at you with an evil eye
He bullies other cats till they won’t go outside
My neighbour’s frigging cat

My neighbour's frigging cat
my neighbour's frigging cat
He likes to sit in the windowbox
I hope he gets mange or some other pox
my neighbour's top dog cat

My neighbour’s top dog cat
My neighbour’s top dog cat
he eats up birds and frogs and has fleas
he's very, very Siamese
My neighbour’s devious, freaky, evil, totally horrible cat.

i hope you enjoyed my contribution to Happy Mouffetard's special LAPCPADPOUB day


Zoƫ said...

I can feel the love!


Arabella Sock said...

The problem with Siamese cats is they are too much like dogs!

VP said...

Ooohhh Emma, careful! If you go on like that for much longer, you'll want one of your own ;)

Have a good weekend

emmat said...

None of the other cats will even come outdoors anymore. He has cost more than £1000 in vets bills from fighting in 2008 alone. i have been told by many of my other cat-owning neighbours that the siameseness is the problem. I think probably it's more to do with how well he channels Satan.

HappyMouffetard said...

That is just such an accurate picture of cat-ness. A work of sheer genius.

Yolanda Elizabet said...

The solution is pretty simple, your neighbours should get another Siamese cat. Then they can drive each other bonkers and leave the other kitties alone.

Re your poem: awwwwwww, you're such a widdle softy who deep down loves cats really deeply, truly and madly.

Emma and a Siamese cat up in a tree
k i s s i n g! :-D

Titania said...

This great epic has brought it into the daylight. There are two possibilities you move or the cat.

Victoria said...

Fabulous poem. It's got a kind of punk energy to it: I can imagine Johnny Rotten belting it out in a pub in Shepherd's Bush

Juliet said...

Much as I love cats in general, I know just how you feel - the one which p**s on our heather also p**s in the middle of our lawn, lurks in the Prunus where we hang our birdfeeders, and kills our birds. It's not Siamese though so I suspect this behaviour is the fault of its human (not training it to p** in more sensible places, letting it out overnight or at least at the crack of dawn) rather than that of the cat. And I've never managed to catch either of them!

emmat said...

why thank you, thank you, of course I owe it all to Mr Foster from Thailand. due to the success of this blogpost I am considering expanding the song into a complete musical, to be called "The Cat and I" with songs such as "Hello Young Kitties", "Getting to Hate You" and also "Shall I Tell You What I Think of You?"

Anonymous said...

Very good Emma - love it

James said...

Of course Siamese cats are weird and devious: have you never seen Lady and the Tramp ?

jane said...

Heard the one about the cats and the antifreeze?

Mr. McGregor's Daughter said...

Oh, that was wonderful! I love Victoria's idea, I can imagine it quite clearly. I particularly liked the line about the pox.

Esther Montgomery said...

What emotional depth!