With only five days still to go in voting, our candidate, Joe Swift, seems to have fallen an unconscionable distance behind. Can he still catch up? Will he become truly "Swift" of foot for the very last lap?
It would seem as if Matthew Wilson, has, in the parlance of our times, "Nailed It".
Unfortunately, he has benefitted from the support of all those global warming loonies who support "climate change planting", and other horticultural oddities beloved of conspiracy theorists like "rainwater harvesting" and "compost heaps".
We have one chance to save ourselves from a lifetime of having our napalm confiscated in favour of seaweed and comfrey.
There's just one hope: a surprising loophole has been found in the voting regulations dating back the Declaration of Independence in 1776, allowing a team of gardeners to be proposed for electoral office should a sufficient mandate be found.
Adding together the three "balaclava" votes, for Monkey, Plotting and Sock, I believe that there is still the potential to defeat this man Wilson and his odd ideas.
As Joe's campaign manager, I find myself with the difficult and yet essential task of urging you to turn aside from Joe now in the interests of horticulture, and vote Balaclava Coalition. If you don't want that shelf of toxic 1970s herbicides in your shed cleared forever, vote Balaclava now.
