Friday, 28 November 2008


Why hello there, and top of the morning to ye. Samurai blogger Frank Ronin here again. 

In this particular warrior household, we have some special Christmas traditions I'd like to share with you. As you might know from my recent piece on the RHS I can get pretty angry on occasion. And of course, you'd be unwise to wind up a man who can slice a tree trunk into veneer in under forty-five seconds. That's why it's probably a fine idea to listen when I give you advice about what to get me for Christmas. I'm just not very good at hiding my anger, you know! 

So anyway what us samurai gardeners are after is not wilty old plants, but really, more tools: such as hatchets, slashing blades and that old trusty favourite the samurai sword. I have six different samurai swords and I love them all; you can see a picture of me posing with a couple of them at the top of this article. Although one of them did get lost a couple of winters ago and hasn't been seen since. (You'd think it would be pretty difficult to lose a samurai sword. But no! Actually I do wonder what that one got to. Haven't seen it since the Award-Winning James Alexander-Sinclair came round and started challenging me to a fencing competition. I wonder if he nicked it. He does look like the type.)

My advice if you want to see gleaming smiles coming from your very own samurai this Christmas, is to hold off on the novelty gardening trugs, and instead go for anything which can't legally be sold to the under-18s. (And I don't mean saucy videos! Or solvent-based glue actually, either.)

Yours now,



Anonymous said...

I have a West Indisn friend, who many years ago was allocated a council house in what can be described as a 'challenging' area.
Lots of crime and vandalism.
He cleared the
overgrown garden using a machete brought from Trinidad
Strangely, he had never had a moment's bother from the local yobberie!

Anon jan

VP said...

If you want to find your sword, I'll put money on you finding it in your compost heap. I'm sure Aunt Debbi will agree with me.

emmat said...

Machete-ing is a good way to instill a proper respect in your neighbours I reckon. I wonder how you actually bring a machete back from Trinidad though without getting into tons of trouble. The only thing I have ever brought back from the Caribbean is a bottle of Mount Gay Rum, the last drop of which I just poured into the Christmas pudding mixture. Sniff. Hic.

Anonymous said...

He's old now - part of the just after Windrush generation.
Things were easier.
It's just not as scary witha battery strimmer is it?
Ps my very best kitchen sissors are in the compost I think.