Friday, 29 August 2008


So far in my life, I would say that Kew Horticultural Society is the only gardening show I've ever been to to have its own clairvoyant. In this, as in so many other ways, it really is a cut above. 

For a start the clientele are well classy. I met my friends Arnold and Iolanthe (Arnold had just taken a prize certificate in the Jelly class) and then I was waylaid by the fragrant Lila das Gupta while I nosed through the second-hand books. 

Secondly, the produce is just unbelievable, attaining almost Stepford levels of perfection. In fact, walking from my house and crossing from the north bank of the river on foot I realised there is possibly some sort of vortex of superiority you walk through at round about Kew Bridge Station which transports you to a higher state of being from what you were when you left mere W5 some 17oo metres previously.

Even the stuff being sold on the veg stand has a ridiculously posh pedigree - all grown on the allotments given to Diploma students on the Kew course.

Lila explained to me that overall winners of the Kew show are awarded the "Banksian Medal" - you are then entitled to continue competing in individual categories, but may never again be awarded overall prize. (See, even their political systems are fairer over there!)


Look at them dahlias. In fact the only imperfection I saw the entire way round was that absolutely no one's roses had escaped water damage. 

A highly competitive lady mentally calculating how she could ever grow veg that good.

What that lady wants.


VP said...

Have you been to the RHS show in October? You get really classy entries there e.g. grapes from Blenheim Palace.

emmat said...

i bet they taste loads better than other grapes, are a little bit snooty, and are good at making rousing speeches
"We shall meet them in the asparagus beds. We shall meet them on the allotments."