Thursday, 26 June 2008

BREAKING NEWS. LES INFOS QUI SE CASSENT. OR SOMETHING.










We have just had an insider tip-off that Matthew Wilson, previously disregarded by all except a lunatic fringe element for the top Gardeners' World job, is rumoured to be sunning himself at an exclusive French health spa in a quest for peak physical form - after producers hinted he's about to be given the helm of Britain's favourite comedy gardening programme


Whilst Honest Joe contents himself with a few more hours of useless labour at the allotment pulling out marestail, swish Wilson has jetted off to an undisclosed location, believed to be somewhere within "L'Hexagone", to polish up his handsomeness. 



Wilson's punishing regime whilst dans La Belle France includes a gruelling two hours of crazy golf a day, biodynamic cow horn massage (see right), drinking fine pinkish wines and eating asparagus and cherries. 

Probably.

But will these last-ditch new-age efforts work? Whilst Wilson is renowned for his cranky "sustainable organic gardening" beliefs, we have also learned that he plans to take advantage of his French sojourn by consulting Raymond Domenech the French football manager, about future GW team strategy. 

The Coalition says: We just hope Carol isn't a Scorpio. 


(All pictures show models)

2 comments:

R Domenech (ret.) said...

Carol Klein is definitely an Aquarius, I can feel her vibes coming from my television

Arabella Sock said...

If MW turns up wearing a turquoise track suit we should all start to worry!