You may know that my normal employer is the Global Warming Newsletter. It was therefore with trepidation that I took on a top secret mission this morning to infiltrate well into the heartland of enemy territory (see above), many miles behind the battlelines.
My goal? To report back on current activity in their training camps, located far into the hostile badlands of "Hampton".
I headed across open country, looking for a sign that I was going in the right direction. (I had assumed some camouflage clothing including wellington boots and a high vis vest.) Some marquee-erectors stopped and asked me if I wanted a lift, so I agreed and climbed in. With the help of these comrades I was able to broach the first checkpoint.
I am sorry to say I observed a lot of deeply suspicious looking activity. This worker seemed to be engaged in some sort of construction. It can only be speculated what sort of dangerous and threatening experiment he is conducting.
I also overheard conversations between a group of officials holding clipboards that chilled me to the very core: using phrases like "final countdown", "last days of build up", and "just nine days to go".
There is undoubtedly much to hide at this high-security closed site. This technician was using trees and other green growth to camouflage the real nature of his activities within the bunker clearly visible in my photo.
Luckily I did have one loyal contact on the other side. John is currently working as a "designer" on the plot called "Send A Cow". We puzzled over the real meaning of this suggestive-sounding name yet could come up with no possible explanation.
And I still have so many other questions.
What is the nature of the thatched cottage built inside the hangar shown in my first photograph?
Is this secret installation intended to do us harm?
Most importantly of all, what happens to us all -and our wonderful planet- in nine days time?