Thursday, 26 June 2008

THE COALITION ENTER ENEMY TERRITORY













You may know that my normal employer is the Global Warming Newsletter. It was therefore with trepidation that I took on a top secret mission this morning to infiltrate well into the heartland of enemy territory (see above), many miles behind the battlelines. 

My goal? To report back on current activity in their training camps, located far into the hostile badlands of "Hampton".















I headed across open country, looking for a sign that I was going in the right direction. (I had assumed some camouflage clothing including wellington boots and a high vis vest.) Some marquee-erectors stopped and asked me if I wanted a lift, so I agreed and climbed in. With the help of these comrades I was able to broach the first checkpoint. 

















I am sorry to say I observed a lot of deeply suspicious looking activity. This worker seemed to be engaged in some sort of construction. It can only be speculated what sort of dangerous and threatening experiment he is conducting.

I also overheard conversations between a group of officials holding clipboards that chilled me to the very core: using phrases like "final countdown", "last days of build up", and "just nine days to go".


















There is undoubtedly much to hide  at this high-security closed site. This technician was using trees and other green growth to camouflage the real nature of his activities within the bunker clearly visible in my photo.






Luckily I did have one loyal contact on the other side. John is currently working as a "designer" on the plot called "Send A Cow". We puzzled over the real meaning of this suggestive-sounding name yet could come up with no possible explanation. 

And I still have so many other questions. 

What is the nature of the thatched cottage built inside the hangar shown in my first photograph? 

Is this secret installation intended to do us harm?

Most importantly of all, what happens to us all -and our wonderful planet- in nine days time? 

15 comments:

Alex said...

What kind of shed action have you monitored? Fear not, Shedworking will print the pix other news media ARE TOO SCARED TO SHOW.

emmat said...

John is definitely having a shed, but to be honest, their build was fairly advanced compared to most others, so it was more at the hard landscaping stage than final touches such as sheds.

I actually witnessed a garden designer throwing a catty strop about her car parking space, though, so it was worth trekking miles cross country just for that.

Anonymous said...

Since I am anon, I can divulge that the thatched cottage is actually a bolt-hole for Mark Thatcher as things heat up.
It's all a bit of code you see...
Damn clever these MI5 chappies

emmat said...

That's good work, Anonymous. Keep it up. We're relying on you.

VP said...

Send a Cow? Could that be the residence of Ms Arabella Sock in her splatting mode?

Or I could destroy the mystery by revealing the organisation's secret website...

emmat said...

The Paper Which Must Not be Named is just so powerful, too powerful to risk such tactics. Don't do it! Save yourself, Veepster!

JamesA-S said...

I feel suddenly psychic. There is a fuzzy feeling in my head and my eyeballs are rolling upwards so only the whites of my eyes are visible. I may even be levitating very slightly and little feathers of ectoplasm may emerge from my nostrils....
I forsee that within that pavilion will be a rather twee house of some sort surrounded by a pretty, but slightly anodyne, garden. It will be a good place to be if it rains.....

matthew wilson said...

But how will they top last year's piglet display? Or is that what the cow is being sent for?

emmat said...

Amazing! So the CIA's Remote Viewing experiments really did work! I have obtained a top secret report on the subject http://www.remoteviewed.com/files/paranormal_briefing.pdfusing a brand new research tool called "Google".

Arabella Sock said...

Googling Send a Cow brings up as many links to Don't Send a Cow so now I'm confused as to what to do. Given the difficulty of wrapping the cow nicely I'm opting for sending a couple of nice steaks. Barbeque anyone?

emmat said...

I'm sure the little starving children in Africa wouldn't mind either option

emmat said...

cor, don't send a cow is interesting isn't it? Luckily, I only wrote my feature about the stuff which he says is undeniably good - the vegetable growing. Phew!

matthew wilson said...

I couldn't help noticing you have been nosing around our show.....

emmat said...

oops.

VP said...

Crumbs Emma - rumbled! Perhaps a natty balaclava is needed to complete your outfit the next time you decide to infiltrate enemy territory?