Sunday, 22 June 2008

CATS ARE RUBBISH



















I'm sorry, but I can't keep schtum any longer. The garden blogging world has been infected with a seriously virulent infectious vector, possibly worse than Hosta Virus X, Cucumber Mosaic  and Pepper Mild Mottle Tobamovirus all rolled into one.  

The problem is cats, my friends. What is the deal with the moggiephilia? Cats are not lovely, Matthew Wilson: cats are utter rubbish. They crap everywhere and then bury it under the surface so you don't know it's there till you put your hand in it. They chase away all the birds, they eat frogs, they scratch the bark off trees; they are just a walking evil plague in the garden. 

If anyone moans to me about slugs, my first question will always be "are there cats with access to your garden?" Cats drive away all the natural predators of molluscs, to the point that I honestly believe it is only cat-infested gardens that have really serious slug problems. 

Puppies on the other hand, actually eat slugs. If you wanted a single recommendation for having a dog, it would be this. 

But apart from that, they are just better. As there don't seem to be any garden bloggers currently sticking up for dogs in the same rabidly partisan fashion as the cat-lovers, I am going to take up the cause. Cats are rubbish. So there, I've said it. My illustration is of one of the puppies I'm currently babysitting. May she grow up to be a cat-chaser. 

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's a puppy????
Where's its Mum?

Arabella Sock said...

One of my cats used to eat plastic bags all the time so when you found his poo in the borders it was all nicely pre-wrapped for disposal.

emmat said...

I stole it from its mother and I am raising it alone. I want to bonsai it so it will always fit in my pocket.

James A-S said...

Try this
http://www.shorty.com/bonsaikitten/index.html
Cats are a pain.

Perennial Gardener said...

I have a cat and 2 dogs. My dogs love to dig in my garden and my cat likes to lay in it. I am a supporter of both. Thanks for visiting my site.

alex said...

I know somebody whose husband kept pigeons. So obviously he didn't like cats much. He had two solutions. One involved an action that meant the cats were NEVER coming back but would have the CPS and the RSPCA on him like a ton of bricks so I won't go into details on that one.

The other was that he simply picked up the cat, put it in his car. Drove 10 miles, and dumped it. Problem solved.

emmat said...

Are you guys intentionally writing things which make me feel like I want to jump to the defence of the poor little cats and change my will for the cats' home?

Because it's working.

ork said...

Emmat, do not weaken, there are many dog lovers, but perhaps not posting because they are out walking their loyal loving companions whilst others sit at their computers totally ignored and held in disdain by their feline lodgers.

Anonymous said...

Emmmat
if you wish to maintain any credibility at all, tell me what you are feeding that puppy/guinea pig on, and tell the person who advocates transporting cats ten miles, to bog off, please!
Alternatively - just give me the address of whoever thinks its a good idea
I'd like a little chat!

Anonymous said...

I'm not happy...
show me the puppy / guinea pig again, please.

matthew wilson said...

I have just witnessed a dog eating a frog. In France. What have you got to say about that?
I can't even tell you what she was doing to the chickens...

emmat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
emmat said...

Est-ce que l'explication est que les chiennes françaises sont vachement méchantes? Pas comme les bonnes chiennes anglaises.

Anon, I'm missing the cable to give you more pics of the guinea pup. But I promise I'll do it later.

matthew wilson said...

Je ne sais pas. Je ne parle pas français ainsi je ne pourrais pas demander.

emmat said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI1ZuY9mZ2o

matthew wilson said...

Ah! Bof! Parfait!

Mr. McGregor's Daughter said...

Dogs rule! If I still had a dog, I'd post tons of photos of her in the garden. The only good thing about cats is that they eat baby rabbits.